The imagination is a wonderful thing as a child. Most children start to dream of what they want to be when they grow up; a profession they admire so much that they make it their dream to tell everyone they see. Starting at around the age of 3 or 4 years old, a child's imagination soars them to wanting to be a doctor, an astronaut, or any other exciting occupations they learn about. I however dreamed of growing up to be a lawyer, as nerdy as it was I never cared.
I have always been pretty determined of what I want in life, although occasionally may lose focus. When I started my freshman year of high school I thought I was going to college the next day. My sophomore year I took my ACT's and starting looking into colleges. I always knew I wanted away from here, I wanted to explore the world, which made it hard to decide what schools to apply to and where. This could have the beginning of losing focus, confusion without any answers and some how I got into the so called "wrong crowd."
At the age of 15, just shortly before my 16th birthday, my mother decided to move to Arizona. Looking back now, I have noticed this was a start to some of it. She always wanted to move to a better opportunity, where ever she could find. That specific year though it happened twice. The first time in the fall was supposed to be Texas for a job, then Arizona in the spring. The first one broke me a bit, then after her not actually leaving I stopped believing she would, but I guess I was wrong. She moved to Arizona in the spring of 2004 & has lived there since.
Now I don't need to get into my "mommy-issues" but that was about the point when I completely lost focus. I found a boyfriend 6yrs older than me, who was mainly appealing only for the fact he was old enough to buy alcohol. I started drinking a lot, dropped out of high school, worked full-time and pretty much wrapped my life around him.
In the winter of 2005, I found out I was 5months pregnant...at the ripe age of 17. I had no idea what to do, but at the very moment I heard the news I felt like I was stuck. I finally accepted the news and decided to get back on track. What was once a little blurry came back into full focus, so I finished school.
When choosing names for this baby growing inside of me, I wanted it to be something with meaning, something that was special; the one thing I had lost completely was Faith. So there it was, my beautiful daughter, Faith Ann, was born July 23, 2006. After that things kept becoming more clear.
After the break up in 2007, something really changed inside, I became closer to what I had wanted so many years ago. I started working on buying my house, so I could provide my daughter with stability, something I had never had. I started looking into college, but at this time forgot everything I once had planned, and applied for my general AA degree. Before I actually started college I found what I liked and just so happened to be pretty good at, business.
So in the fall of 2008 I started my college voyage. Now I can see that it was probably not the best time to start, the aftermath of the break up was at a devastating violent/crazy time, and I didn't know how to change it. So, I gave up & failed myself by dropping out. Still determined that I would go back at some point, I didn't feel as much of a failure, but still knew I had failed my dreams.
After that, I grew up some, grew a "backbone" as I call it, started organizing a plan and worked on getting my life back. I started back at Iowa Central in the fall of 2009 and loved it! I finished the semester with straight A's and starting gaining confidence in myself again. I finally could stand up to my ex and things started to calm down, well at least compared to how they had been.
I am still in school, and I'll graduate with both my AA & AS degrees in Business next spring followed by working on my bachelor's then masters degrees. I would like to accomplish my Master's of Business Administration with a concentration on finance and I'm well on my way to achieving that before 30 even with this much of a late start.
The main point of all this, before the ranting & raving of the background of the issue, is that I'm still confused on how I became interested in business, finance, or even accounting. I have always liked math, but never thought of anything close to this being an option. I was talking to a few of my best friends not too long ago and remembered my childhood dreams of law, which triggered all of this. What happened to that dream? Was it just a fantasy?
My response to them saying I still could be, was simply that I don't want to set myself up for failure. I slave away at my schooling now, staying up to the wee hours of the night making sure I perfect everything so I can make my grades how I want them to be...what they used to be. Could I even handle law school? Am i smart enough for it or could my grades improve that much to get me into a law school? These questions keep running through my mind and although my friends showed confidence in me, I'm just not sure. I don't want this to be something I look back on and regret when I'm older, but I also don't want to waste time trying something far beyond my capabilities.
It is something I think about, maybe occasionally dream about. I have to take a business law class as part of my AS, so maybe that will help me get some insight or direction. For now I will continue my current degrees, and maybe look into something more when I'm closer to finishing my bachelor's.
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