It makes sense in some countries ;-)

A quick confused message of appreciation (don't worry, that makes sense in some countries Lol). I don't know who ever reads this, if anyone, but I have to admit that after about 5 months of blogging or at least starting a blot, I feel much better. My friends don't have to listen to me vent about as much, I don't have to feel like I sound like a broken record, although I know I do, but its to a web blog rather than a person to judge. Lol
Typically I'm optimistic,  or try to be as much as I can, as independent as I can, and as strong as I can be to give me daughter everything she needs (physically, emotionally, etc). These things will never change, just.like the love I have for my friends who stand by me through everything and most of all those people in my life who can make me smile.
My life may not be perfect, but ill never stop improving it. Previous blog additions have ranted enough about my confusions in life (such as "honesty:...") so i need not say more, at least for now, but no matter what, in some countries it makes sense! ;-)

A quick reflection...

As the year quickly comes to an end, I've been reflecting on the years events, life changes, positives/negatives, and definitely the goals of 2012. Now when I saw goals, I do not mean the so called "resolutions " people commit to then completly forget about a week or so later. When I make goals I give better details, make sure they're for the most part realistic, and things that are truely good for my life, much more then weight loss goals, although those always exist.
So without going into extreme detail to where I need to write a novel, I will simply overview the things that come to mind; I'm sure there will be plenty more over the next few days. :-)
First of all, as always I am always thankful to have such amazing friends! Without my friends,  I'm not sure I'd survive. Between my best friend of 20yrs to new friends that have came into my life in 2011 (or back into my life for a few Lol), each one of my friends are very important to me.
Secondly, id like to reflect on how much stronger I've become towards my ex. Please don't take this wrong, I am not dwelling on the past, I am simply stating that I have made remarkable progress at growing "a backbone" ,standing up for myself,  and protecting my family.
Thirdly,  although the love department never withstands much good luck, I've also made progress there. First with mixed thoughts/emotions towards a dear friend of mine, which is better that we stayed friends; this gave me a chance to open up a bit. The second time wasn't really planned, but around my birthday I met (or reacquainted) with someone who seemed to be pretty good, and was good at making me laugh. Things went well, followed by a period we lost touch, but recently started hanging out again. I'm not sure how that will go or even how it stands, but as an optimist, at least I.opened up more then I thought was possible.
I'm sure there will be.more to come within the.next couple of days, but for now I'm pretty happy at the.accomplishments, big or small, that came in 2011. And this will help me realize what to plan for 2012 goals!  :-)

Honesty: helpful or hurtful?

I have a topic on my mind that has been bugging me all day! Which is better/worse: to be nice & don't tell a person something because it may hurt their feelings or to just be honest with the person & not keep them wondering in the dark...?
I have been on both sides of the spectrum, so I do know this is a tough decision. However, I do think honesty is always better. I've been honest with people just so they don't have to feel clueless or "waiting", I've been told my flaws as well, which at the time didn't feel so nice, but I now know its better then wondering. But most of the time I'm left in the dark, which I hate.
I know I've said it before, but in the love & relationship department I just don't have any luck, unless bad luck counts! Most stories start off with "so there's this guy I like/liked for a while...." and ends with "he says I'm a good friend/ one of the guys..." or "he always has excuses not to hang out ..." the story is always the same, but I guess I just am optimistic or maybe just plain stupid.
So, in the end, I guess what I'm really wondering is if I really want to get left in the dark/blown off time after time or do I really want to hear whats wrong with me/why I'm just not appealing ...? Is there really a good answer? I guess only time will tell!

Christmas 2011

Todays rant & rave is brought to you by Christmas, friends, family, & Faith. :-)
So, as always, here I am thinking again. Thinking about life, thinking about everything. Today is Christmas,  Jesus' birthday, celebration of families and friends, or some might only see this day as a consumer driven crazed festival.  I could see it in any of these, but I'd like to think mainly the first 2. I was born & raised Irish Catholic, so of course I remember the biblical version & celebrate it with my daughter. However, one of the best things about any holiday is seeing family & friends, especially the ones who make you smile. I cherish having enough free time to enjoy Faith and today was a great day for this, even the past week of preparing for it together between baking to shopping to church and most of all unraveling what Santa brought.
I am very thankful for my close friends, they come into my life at my worst times and remind me of how strong I can be if only I can remember a sense of humor, smile, a good laugh & especially a nice pair of cute (yet uncomfortable) heels! ;-)
I am glad I got the chance to spend time with close friends for this holidays, but it also made me think of what was missing or yet to come.  Will traditions stay? Will my close friends always be there? I certainly hope so!
Merry Christmas to all & to all a good night! <3

My destiny ...?

<p>As I was playing dart league with the girls last night I saw a lady who defined everything I once joked I was destined to be.
You see, my luck is bad... ok maybe horrible or nonexistent is a better way to describe my luck when it comes to love or guys in general. I always joke that I am destined to be the cat lady: alone, very single, a million cats, and morbidly obese. Not too optimistic, I know.
Anyways, this lady was very much over weight, had a walker due to the fact she was so overweight she could hardle walk on her own, clearly very single, and yet not too friendly. (I was always told if you can't get blessed with looks, at least have a good personality- to which I try). Anywho, as I looked at the lady more I got to thinking. Is this really how I'm destined to be? Is that my fate?
Now my friends thought I was kidding as I.asked, but I honestly wondered if its possible? It scared me to think about it, but in reality I've always had weight issues, I'm not currently small either,  I've always had dating issues, haven't dated in years, so how does my curiosity seem so unrealistic?

There comes a point ...

There comes a point in your life when you really have to stop & look around and ask where am I? Where am I? Is this what I want? Is this what I had planned? Who is surrounding me? Are these people who I should be around? Etc.
Whether this point comes to you at 15 or 50, it will happen, and it should happen. A self analysis is healthy, and its even ok if it happens more often then once.
Now don't get me wrong, I certainly am not trying to preach anything to anyone. I am 23 years old, I have a 5yr old beautiful daughter, I own my house,  work 2 jobs, finishing my AA in business/finance, and have wonderful friends. Is this what I pictured of my life? Absolutely not, but I'm not going to complain too much. In many aspects I am blessed, in others I'm cursed. But I have a tendency to self analyze too much to see how I can better my life.
There's always one thing that I think of: is there such thing as true happiness? Could I achieve more? Is there something more out there for me?