Is Enough Really Enough?

When is it time to say that you have had enough? When is it ok to admit that you cannot handle everything thrown onto you? When is enough really enough?
There's probably no clear answer to any of these questions, but we all have to ask them at some point. I will be the first to admit that I have been known to be a little stubborn, independent, or strong willed. I have become pretty efficient with stress management, which also includes being amazing at hiding my feelings; even when it becomes too much.
So what then? What is there to do, logically? There is no time to cry, plus what good does crying do? There are not many people to talk to about certain issues, and the few close friends I do still have don't share the same experiences (yes, I know that no two people have the exact same experience - but this isn't even remotely close) which makes it extremely difficult to explain. Do you sleep it off? This has normally been a great answer except I run on such a full schedule already that there is hardly any time to sleep and lately I just simply haven't been able to fall asleep. The only option I have came up with is to possibly blog about it, this is still new for me, but maybe it will help me feel better even if no one ever reads this... preferably if no one ever reads this.
First, I will say that this in not about any person, especially a guy. Like I said before, my schedule is already packed full with enough to worry about little alone another addition (no offense to anyone). In fact, this isn't even about one specific issue at all. This is a build up of months of little things bothering me and then adding a few huge catastrophes to the mix has caused pure chaos inside of my head. Only one person has asked me about any of it, so I know I still do well managing stress, because honestly who wants to be around someone with a chip on their shoulder with no explanation of why? And really, what good does that do?? None!
The answer, the one I think is right, is to get my big girl panties on and give 'um hell! It wouldn't be me to just let some issue, no matter the size, simply run me over. I will always fight for what I think is right, just, or deserved; so there is no stopping now! The key to all of this is to be able to stop the chaos long enough to organize it all, sort each problem, and match it with a potential solution.
Now, after having a 5 paragraph long argument with myself via blog (isn't that what blogging is for??), I better start preparing for war. One day I will be able to relax and enjoy life for a moment, at least that's what I'm working towards, but to get to that point I must use my youthfulness to conquer the existing and future obstacles.

What do you say when obstacles want to get in the way of your happiness?? "BRING IT ON!!!"

My destiny ...?

<p>As I was playing dart league with the girls last night I saw a lady who defined everything I once joked I was destined to be.
You see, my luck is bad... ok maybe horrible or nonexistent is a better way to describe my luck when it comes to love or guys in general. I always joke that I am destined to be the cat lady: alone, very single, a million cats, and morbidly obese. Not too optimistic, I know.
Anyways, this lady was very much over weight, had a walker due to the fact she was so overweight she could hardle walk on her own, clearly very single, and yet not too friendly. (I was always told if you can't get blessed with looks, at least have a good personality- to which I try). Anywho, as I looked at the lady more I got to thinking. Is this really how I'm destined to be? Is that my fate?
Now my friends thought I was kidding as I.asked, but I honestly wondered if its possible? It scared me to think about it, but in reality I've always had weight issues, I'm not currently small either,  I've always had dating issues, haven't dated in years, so how does my curiosity seem so unrealistic?

There comes a point ...

There comes a point in your life when you really have to stop & look around and ask where am I? Where am I? Is this what I want? Is this what I had planned? Who is surrounding me? Are these people who I should be around? Etc.
Whether this point comes to you at 15 or 50, it will happen, and it should happen. A self analysis is healthy, and its even ok if it happens more often then once.
Now don't get me wrong, I certainly am not trying to preach anything to anyone. I am 23 years old, I have a 5yr old beautiful daughter, I own my house,  work 2 jobs, finishing my AA in business/finance, and have wonderful friends. Is this what I pictured of my life? Absolutely not, but I'm not going to complain too much. In many aspects I am blessed, in others I'm cursed. But I have a tendency to self analyze too much to see how I can better my life.
There's always one thing that I think of: is there such thing as true happiness? Could I achieve more? Is there something more out there for me?

Lifes little Changes

We always preach about change, some say its a good thing, some say its a bad thing, but inevitably it comes down to the simple fact that change happens.  I have always been a person that is content with working on my life alone. I have enough on my plate already, little alone take on something else in my life; its just a motto I've become accustom to. I tend to plan everything, or at least try to, but occasionally something can unexpectedly can happen in the midst of those plans.
Ill never forget when things changed, how rude I was to avoid change, or how I kept reassuring myself that there was no chance I would let change happen. While I was coming up with every excuse to avoid what I thought I didn't want to happen, everyone else was coming up with reasons for me to try something different; to change.
Although my friends encouraged everything I had been against, I now can thank them for this. No matter how the end results, the fact still remains that I opened up, changed my thinking a lot, and even for a short time, I was happy.
So, without getting into the details, my main point is change can be good. It undoubtedly can be very scary, but even if an end result could feel like it was all for the worst, the truth remains that a little good came of it all. Every life experience, good or bad,  teaches us a lesson.

A dose of reality

So I had a good friend of mine say something That was horrible to hear, but the honesty I needed. "Between all you do to stay busy, that's why you're still single." Stings to hear or even say, but could there be truth in it?
I do stay busy, 3 jobs, 2 schools, 1 kid, 1 house to finish... no sleep! This is my way of life & as I always say it keeps me out of trouble, but is it possible this could all be a defense mechanism? 
No one will ever hear me say That I like to stay this busy, to stay away from my child so much, but I do it to keep us going. Our lifestyle is pretty set in stone (I.e. buying house, etc) so I'm not going to have Faith suffer & change her ways just because I'm going to school. I go to school so much to try to better our lives, so that she wont have to know how hard life can be, but lately it feels like I'm running 100mph yet going nowhere. 
I dream of a better life, but I guess I always see it as a better life for Faith & I... is that bad? Is it a sign? Who knows, been on my own so long I don't even think I'd know what to do if I had someone else around.

23

So, here I am, 2 weeks after my 23rd birthday and of course over analyzing life again.
A song I listened to when I was a teenager was "what's my age again?" By blink 182. The song I can still sing word for word to this day, but it carries on how nobody likes you when you're 23... worrisome?  I think so!
A few days prior to my birthday things started to go downhill quickly. I had friends leave, and one friend bailed on me at last minute... started feeling like the song was true after all.
My big day was saved when my best friend April came to my rescue and got me out of state for the day. We had so much fun That I even forgot the names of those who had disappointed me. (Thank you April!)
Besides the things I physically did for my birthday,  I couldn't help but to analyze my life to this point. When you ask some of my friends about me, they can brag me up to look like a saint, however I don't feel the same, flattered but not the same. I guess that no one really pictures their life at 23 to be like this, with a mortgage,  no degree yet, and raising a 5 year old on your own... well at least that's not what I had planned.
So once again I come up with the questions, have I failed myself? Do I still have hope? Why does it feel like I'm always running a million miles per hour and going nowhere?
Most of my friends are much older then me and I know I subconsciously compare myself to them, but I did have some good advice for my depressing day: "look at how you're doing compared to people the same age as you..." that was Amazing advice that I did need which was followed by a remark questioning if people older then me look back and compare themselves to me when they were my age as much as I compare my life to theirs now? Now That is food for thought!
So, after all the babbling,  I am another year older and hopefully a little wiser. And the best advice about my life is "life happens!"

The journey of the ages

Have you ever had one of those days when you reminisce all day? Ever think of what you would do if you went back to that time & place; would you change anything? How about a thought that may cross your mind, did your life turn out the way you planned or wanted it to? Are you in the profession you wanted to be?
For me, this is a daily routine. I always tend to imagine the days when life was much simpler, then again who doesn't? A life when you had no responsibility, no mortgage, no car payment, no job, no kids, no stress....well the only stress there could be then was if you were going to have a friend to play with that day or if you were going to have a pimple for yearbook pictures. Life was simple.
But now, looking back on my hopes, dreams, and wishes for my life before I hit 25... what have I done that I wanted to accomplish? What have I accomplished that I didn't plan? If I could go back at 15 and know how I turned out today, how would I feel? Would I be proud? Would I be disappointed?
Hmmm... I suppose it is something to think about...?