Honesty: helpful or hurtful?

I have a topic on my mind that has been bugging me all day! Which is better/worse: to be nice & don't tell a person something because it may hurt their feelings or to just be honest with the person & not keep them wondering in the dark...?
I have been on both sides of the spectrum, so I do know this is a tough decision. However, I do think honesty is always better. I've been honest with people just so they don't have to feel clueless or "waiting", I've been told my flaws as well, which at the time didn't feel so nice, but I now know its better then wondering. But most of the time I'm left in the dark, which I hate.
I know I've said it before, but in the love & relationship department I just don't have any luck, unless bad luck counts! Most stories start off with "so there's this guy I like/liked for a while...." and ends with "he says I'm a good friend/ one of the guys..." or "he always has excuses not to hang out ..." the story is always the same, but I guess I just am optimistic or maybe just plain stupid.
So, in the end, I guess what I'm really wondering is if I really want to get left in the dark/blown off time after time or do I really want to hear whats wrong with me/why I'm just not appealing ...? Is there really a good answer? I guess only time will tell!

Christmas 2011

Todays rant & rave is brought to you by Christmas, friends, family, & Faith. :-)
So, as always, here I am thinking again. Thinking about life, thinking about everything. Today is Christmas,  Jesus' birthday, celebration of families and friends, or some might only see this day as a consumer driven crazed festival.  I could see it in any of these, but I'd like to think mainly the first 2. I was born & raised Irish Catholic, so of course I remember the biblical version & celebrate it with my daughter. However, one of the best things about any holiday is seeing family & friends, especially the ones who make you smile. I cherish having enough free time to enjoy Faith and today was a great day for this, even the past week of preparing for it together between baking to shopping to church and most of all unraveling what Santa brought.
I am very thankful for my close friends, they come into my life at my worst times and remind me of how strong I can be if only I can remember a sense of humor, smile, a good laugh & especially a nice pair of cute (yet uncomfortable) heels! ;-)
I am glad I got the chance to spend time with close friends for this holidays, but it also made me think of what was missing or yet to come.  Will traditions stay? Will my close friends always be there? I certainly hope so!
Merry Christmas to all & to all a good night! <3

My destiny ...?

<p>As I was playing dart league with the girls last night I saw a lady who defined everything I once joked I was destined to be.
You see, my luck is bad... ok maybe horrible or nonexistent is a better way to describe my luck when it comes to love or guys in general. I always joke that I am destined to be the cat lady: alone, very single, a million cats, and morbidly obese. Not too optimistic, I know.
Anyways, this lady was very much over weight, had a walker due to the fact she was so overweight she could hardle walk on her own, clearly very single, and yet not too friendly. (I was always told if you can't get blessed with looks, at least have a good personality- to which I try). Anywho, as I looked at the lady more I got to thinking. Is this really how I'm destined to be? Is that my fate?
Now my friends thought I was kidding as I.asked, but I honestly wondered if its possible? It scared me to think about it, but in reality I've always had weight issues, I'm not currently small either,  I've always had dating issues, haven't dated in years, so how does my curiosity seem so unrealistic?

There comes a point ...

There comes a point in your life when you really have to stop & look around and ask where am I? Where am I? Is this what I want? Is this what I had planned? Who is surrounding me? Are these people who I should be around? Etc.
Whether this point comes to you at 15 or 50, it will happen, and it should happen. A self analysis is healthy, and its even ok if it happens more often then once.
Now don't get me wrong, I certainly am not trying to preach anything to anyone. I am 23 years old, I have a 5yr old beautiful daughter, I own my house,  work 2 jobs, finishing my AA in business/finance, and have wonderful friends. Is this what I pictured of my life? Absolutely not, but I'm not going to complain too much. In many aspects I am blessed, in others I'm cursed. But I have a tendency to self analyze too much to see how I can better my life.
There's always one thing that I think of: is there such thing as true happiness? Could I achieve more? Is there something more out there for me?

Lifes little Changes

We always preach about change, some say its a good thing, some say its a bad thing, but inevitably it comes down to the simple fact that change happens.  I have always been a person that is content with working on my life alone. I have enough on my plate already, little alone take on something else in my life; its just a motto I've become accustom to. I tend to plan everything, or at least try to, but occasionally something can unexpectedly can happen in the midst of those plans.
Ill never forget when things changed, how rude I was to avoid change, or how I kept reassuring myself that there was no chance I would let change happen. While I was coming up with every excuse to avoid what I thought I didn't want to happen, everyone else was coming up with reasons for me to try something different; to change.
Although my friends encouraged everything I had been against, I now can thank them for this. No matter how the end results, the fact still remains that I opened up, changed my thinking a lot, and even for a short time, I was happy.
So, without getting into the details, my main point is change can be good. It undoubtedly can be very scary, but even if an end result could feel like it was all for the worst, the truth remains that a little good came of it all. Every life experience, good or bad,  teaches us a lesson.

A dose of reality

So I had a good friend of mine say something That was horrible to hear, but the honesty I needed. "Between all you do to stay busy, that's why you're still single." Stings to hear or even say, but could there be truth in it?
I do stay busy, 3 jobs, 2 schools, 1 kid, 1 house to finish... no sleep! This is my way of life & as I always say it keeps me out of trouble, but is it possible this could all be a defense mechanism? 
No one will ever hear me say That I like to stay this busy, to stay away from my child so much, but I do it to keep us going. Our lifestyle is pretty set in stone (I.e. buying house, etc) so I'm not going to have Faith suffer & change her ways just because I'm going to school. I go to school so much to try to better our lives, so that she wont have to know how hard life can be, but lately it feels like I'm running 100mph yet going nowhere. 
I dream of a better life, but I guess I always see it as a better life for Faith & I... is that bad? Is it a sign? Who knows, been on my own so long I don't even think I'd know what to do if I had someone else around.

23

So, here I am, 2 weeks after my 23rd birthday and of course over analyzing life again.
A song I listened to when I was a teenager was "what's my age again?" By blink 182. The song I can still sing word for word to this day, but it carries on how nobody likes you when you're 23... worrisome?  I think so!
A few days prior to my birthday things started to go downhill quickly. I had friends leave, and one friend bailed on me at last minute... started feeling like the song was true after all.
My big day was saved when my best friend April came to my rescue and got me out of state for the day. We had so much fun That I even forgot the names of those who had disappointed me. (Thank you April!)
Besides the things I physically did for my birthday,  I couldn't help but to analyze my life to this point. When you ask some of my friends about me, they can brag me up to look like a saint, however I don't feel the same, flattered but not the same. I guess that no one really pictures their life at 23 to be like this, with a mortgage,  no degree yet, and raising a 5 year old on your own... well at least that's not what I had planned.
So once again I come up with the questions, have I failed myself? Do I still have hope? Why does it feel like I'm always running a million miles per hour and going nowhere?
Most of my friends are much older then me and I know I subconsciously compare myself to them, but I did have some good advice for my depressing day: "look at how you're doing compared to people the same age as you..." that was Amazing advice that I did need which was followed by a remark questioning if people older then me look back and compare themselves to me when they were my age as much as I compare my life to theirs now? Now That is food for thought!
So, after all the babbling,  I am another year older and hopefully a little wiser. And the best advice about my life is "life happens!"